Welcome back to This is India! I always have funny/weird stories about India to share with friends or family when I talk to them. This is just meant to be an honest portrayal about my life in India through short anecdotes. I also share here what I’ve been up to online outside Werkenntwen.
What I was up to other than here:
- IN TRANSIT BACK TO GOA!!!! Probably bitching about someone shoving me on a plane isle right about now ;) Left Ohio on a THURSDAY at 930 AM… arrival time Goa: SATURDAY 340 AM…. I KNOW!!!! So, if you don’t hear from me I’m sleeping until probably Wednesday.
- On the blog, Girl about the Globe interviewed me about India and I shared a bit about safety… and also Richelle from Adventures around Asia had such nice things to say about hippie in heels over on her post 2015’s top 15 female travel bloggers .
Now your story,
I recently got this comment on my blog post 14 tips for solo female travel in India, which happens to be one of my most popular articles. I kept the comment on the post so that women readers can see what apparently, is the general mindset of the “brown men” staring (according to this guy). Have a read and we shall discuss more after and in the comments lol
“Good observation and tips
I am not defending unnecessary starring and harassments by brown men
but as an indian starred several white women once , want to make some points
1-Due to social and cultural framework and rules Indian man see what is under the girl’s skirt only after his marriage , that is when he is around 30 years, until then he is supposed to be a virgin ! TRUTH
2-No opportunity as in west to have sex from the age of 13 ( my westers collegues said this -personally visited 6 European countries and envied the youth there!!)
3-No legalized prostitution , and men stays with his parents until his death , so somebody from your family will be around , to check what you do where you go or who you brings home .
4-only option to quench the thirst is pornography , men watch porn a lot here , and all the porn video we get is of white women , we dont know it is eastern russian white or western americal white , so average men relate any white women to the hot pornstar , he watched the previous night .
4-we are not used seeing bare skin , Indian women cover herself fully , so exposed bra suspenders and bare shoulders ,thighs, tight dress etc may attract “unwanted ” attraction.
you don’t mind Italian men starring with their piercing eyes in rome , next time when an Indian stares you think of him as an Italian with 3 vineyards .(you will like his starring !)
Take the Starring as “Thank you for noticing my existence ” If you’ve ever lived in New york? London? Paris?You’ll be able to walk in those streets bleeding to death for hours and no one would even look, not to mention talk to you.
Its very tiring to have people flashing their skins at you – At least Indians try to get you by a good conversation and a mind game rather than flashing their tits / muscles at you.
I don’t know where to start to be honest. I think he’s saying Indian men can’t have sex, they can’t even sneak cuz grandma might be watching, therefore they stare at white girls. I really hope that you lovely readers comment with your thoughts on this. Until then, I’ll share mine just how he did, with numbers…. because don’t we all have time to argue on the internet!?!
1. In many cultures people are supposed to wait until marriage. In fact, I remember signing a contract at school I would! Ha! This is irrelevant.
2. 13?? Yes maybe some people, but this is NOT the norm in the west.. 13 is a CHILD. If he meant to say young and just picked that number, then okay maybe they do it younger in the West, but I have enough intel from my Indian girls here that yes even they have sex young. Just because a culture condemns something doesn’t mean it’s not happening.
3. I don’t even get the point here. I’m pretty sure prostitution isn’t legal in the U.S (right!?!?!) or most of Europe… but it happens.. and it sure as hell happens in India too!
4. Yeah, heard that before. Gross and you’d have to have the brain the size of a pea to think that all girls that are white are porn stars. Give me an effin’ break here.
4. (again) Agree! We are on the same page here. Which is something mentioned in this article. Hence, the point of the article “tips for women in India”.
Now for his final points:
“you don’t mind Italian men starring with their piercing eyes in rome , next time when an Indian stares you think of him as an Italian with 3 vineyards .(you will like his starring !)”
Actually, I don’t want any men staring at me and when they do I tell them to stop. I would never LIKE it as you say.
“Take the Starring as “Thank you for noticing my existence ” If you’ve ever lived in New york? London? Paris?You’ll be able to walk in those streets bleeding to death for hours and no one would even look, not to mention talk to you.
Its very tiring to have people flashing their skins at you – At least Indians try to get you by a good conversation and a mind game rather than flashing their tits / muscles at you.”
Girls do not take staring as a thank you, we never “like” the attention. Always stand up for yourself if you’re uncomfortable. Tell the person they are being rude and making you feel bad. If it’s a kid or a woman, then ok they obviously aren’t pervs… but use your best judgement with men. Hell, if he starts licking his lips tell him to get lost and alert people that there is a creepo! This is what has to happen sometimes. India is changing and men like this probably never will, but Indian women and Western women both should stand up for themselves.
The bottom line is, this is a man with access to Internet, reading about travel to India, curious about foreigners maybe, trying to stand up for his people, and still coming off like … well, the men you want to avoid.
I don’t know how to write this but it’s something that crosses my mind. That is.. even very intelligent men, very well traveled men in India sometimes have this mindset of “it’s the woman’s fault” “she wore a top with her bra strap showing” “she was out late” “how can we mere mortals resist?” “she deserved it” that we see even politicians say. The only thing I can think is that it’s the upbringing. For example. this guy.. he had the best intentions I think when starting to write the comment, but near the end we see what he really thinks.
Maybe I just got to riled up over this comment for nothing. There’s been a lot of talk about India being bashed in the media unfairly. Some writers only want to show the positive to balance that. My “This is India” stories are meant to show the TRUTH, good bad and ugly of what it’s like living here as an expat. I don’t write a dramatic title like “Indian man says they all watch white people in pornos!” because I’m not trying to cause a ruckus or get India negative attention, this is a place to just share thoughts and see what you guys think.
I actually get on average about 5 comments per week from men that are “standing up” for the bad behaviors of Indian men and saying it’s worse in the West. Sometimes they make valid points like this guy so I leave the comment. But, 95% of the time it gets deleted because the man makes nasty comments about white women. Maybe I shouldn’t delete those, so that readers can see this – but I don’t like nastiness on my site.
Was his comment not even bad and I am just so jaded by the comments from men I get, that I took it the wrong way? I do think he attempted to make a point…. I would love your opinions on this.
This is India!
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