• this is india 61 indian men staring at white women

This is India! 61

Welcome back to This is India! I always have funny/weird stories about India to share with friends or family when I talk to them. This is just meant to be an honest portrayal about my life in India through short anecdotes. I also share here what I’ve been up to online outside Werkenntwen.

What I was up to other than here:

  • IN TRANSIT BACK TO GOA!!!! Probably bitching about someone shoving me on a plane isle right about now ;) Left Ohio on a THURSDAY at 930 AM… arrival time Goa: SATURDAY 340 AM…. I KNOW!!!! So, if you don’t hear from me I’m sleeping until probably Wednesday.
  • On the blog, Girl about the Globe and I shared a bit about safety… and also Richelle from Adventures around Asia had such nice things to say about hippie in heels over on her post .

Now your story,

I recently got this comment on my blog post 14 tips for solo female travel in India, which happens to be one of my most popular articles. I kept the comment on the post so that women readers can see what apparently, is the general mindset of the “brown men” staring (according to this guy). Have a read and we shall discuss more after and in the comments lol

“Good observation and tips
I am not defending unnecessary starring and harassments by brown men
but as an indian starred several white women once , want to make some points
1-Due to social and cultural framework and rules Indian man see what is under the girl’s skirt only after his marriage , that is when he is around 30 years, until then he is supposed to be a virgin ! TRUTH
2-No opportunity as in west to have sex from the age of 13 ( my westers collegues said this -personally visited 6 European countries and envied the youth there!!)
3-No legalized prostitution , and men stays with his parents until his death , so somebody from your family will be around , to check what you do where you go or who you brings home .
4-only option to quench the thirst is pornography , men watch porn a lot here , and all the porn video we get is of white women , we dont know it is eastern russian white or western americal white , so average men relate any white women to the hot pornstar , he watched the previous night .

4-we are not used seeing bare skin , Indian women cover herself fully , so exposed bra suspenders and bare shoulders ,thighs, tight dress etc may attract “unwanted ” attraction.

you don’t mind Italian men starring with their piercing eyes in rome , next time when an Indian stares you think of him as an Italian with 3 vineyards .(you will like his starring !)

Take the Starring as “Thank you for noticing my existence ” If you’ve ever lived in New york? London? Paris?You’ll be able to walk in those streets bleeding to death for hours and no one would even look, not to mention talk to you.
Its very tiring to have people flashing their skins at you – At least Indians try to get you by a good conversation and a mind game rather than flashing their tits / muscles at you.

Thanks”

Your Welcome?

ice cube meme wtf face

I don’t know where to start to be honest. I think he’s saying Indian men can’t have sex, they can’t even sneak cuz grandma might be watching, therefore they stare at white girls. I really hope that you lovely readers comment with your thoughts on this. Until then, I’ll share mine just how he did, with numbers…. because don’t we all have time to argue on the internet!?!

1. In many cultures people are supposed to wait until marriage. In fact, I remember signing a contract at school I would! Ha! This is irrelevant.

2. 13?? Yes maybe some people, but this is NOT the norm in the west.. 13 is a CHILD. If he meant to say young and just picked that number, then okay maybe they do it younger in the West, but I have enough intel from my Indian girls here that yes even they have sex young. Just because a culture condemns something doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

3. I don’t even get the point here. I’m pretty sure prostitution isn’t legal in the U.S (right!?!?!) or most of Europe… but it happens.. and it sure as hell happens in India too!

4. Yeah, heard that before. Gross and you’d have to have the brain the size of a pea to think that all girls that are white are porn stars. Give me an effin’ break here.

4. (again) Agree! We are on the same page here. Which is something mentioned in this article. Hence, the point of the article “tips for women in India”.

Now for his final points:

“you don’t mind Italian men starring with their piercing eyes in rome , next time when an Indian stares you think of him as an Italian with 3 vineyards .(you will like his starring !)”

Actually, I don’t want any men staring at me and when they do I tell them to stop. I would never LIKE it as you say.

“Take the Starring as “Thank you for noticing my existence ” If you’ve ever lived in New york? London? Paris?You’ll be able to walk in those streets bleeding to death for hours and no one would even look, not to mention talk to you.
Its very tiring to have people flashing their skins at you – At least Indians try to get you by a good conversation and a mind game rather than flashing their tits / muscles at you.”

Girls do not take staring as a thank you, we never “like” the attention. Always stand up for yourself if you’re uncomfortable. Tell the person they are being rude and making you feel bad. If it’s a kid or a woman, then ok they obviously aren’t pervs… but use your best judgement with men. Hell, if he starts licking his lips tell him to get lost and alert people that there is a creepo! This is what has to happen sometimes. India is changing and men like this probably never will, but Indian women and Western women both should stand up for themselves.

The bottom line is, this is a man with access to Internet, reading about travel to India, curious about foreigners maybe, trying to stand up for his people, and still coming off like … well, the men you want to avoid.

I don’t know how to write this but it’s something that crosses my mind. That is.. even very intelligent men, very well traveled men in India sometimes have this mindset of “it’s the woman’s fault” “she wore a top with her bra strap showing” “she was out late” “how can we mere mortals resist?” “she deserved it” that we see even politicians say. The only thing I can think is that it’s the upbringing. For example. this guy.. he had the best intentions I think when starting to write the comment, but near the end we see what he really thinks.

Maybe I just got to riled up over this comment for nothing. There’s been a lot of talk about India being bashed in the media unfairly. Some writers only want to show the positive to balance that. My “This is India” stories are meant to show the TRUTH, good bad and ugly of what it’s like living here as an expat. I don’t write a dramatic title like “Indian man says they all watch white people in pornos!” because I’m not trying to cause a ruckus or get India negative attention, this is a place to just share thoughts and see what you guys think.

I actually get on average about 5 comments per week from men that are “standing up” for the bad behaviors of Indian men and saying it’s worse in the West. Sometimes they make valid points like this guy so I leave the comment. But, 95% of the time it gets deleted because the man makes nasty comments about white women. Maybe I shouldn’t delete those, so that readers can see this – but I don’t like nastiness on my site.

Was his comment not even bad and I am just so jaded by the comments from men I get, that I took it the wrong way? I do think he attempted to make a point…. I would love your opinions on this.

 

This is India!

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2016-10-13T09:54:43+00:00

About the Author:

Rachel Jones left a career in nursing and lived on the beaches of Goa, India for the five years. Now she lives in Mexico where she gives advice on the 40+ countries she’s visited in the last 10 years. She’s the author of two India travel e-books: Guide to India and Insider’s Guide to Goa. Her blog, Werkenntwen, like its name, is a contradiction combining off-beat adventurous places with glamorous and bespoke travel. Werkenntwen has been featured in ELLE, Marie Claire, Grazia, and Cosmopolitan magazines. She’s a writer for Bravo TV.

36 Comments

  1. Kasia July 31, 2015 at 5:56 pm - Reply

    I can confirm, that I do not, definitely, have never enjoyed being stared at by men ‘in the west’. One of my absolute worst places for this was in Milan….ITALY! It was not wanted attention, nor did I wear anything provocative, but the stares were unnecessary and uninvited. So no, women from the west do not always like being stared at by men from the west, nor do I want any of their wine from their own vineyards…..they wish they all owned vineyards!

    I also don’t know why that comment riled me up, but it has. I travel to explore new cultures, new ways of doing things and new ways of thinking, but I certainly do not want every single man thinking they can stare at me as I go along. It’s rude. It’s uncomfortable. And it will never lead to anything….other than my desire to never go back.

    As for the comment about girls in the west having sex at 13. Whilst this may happen for some people, it is not the norm. Just because we are white, does not mean from the moment we are born, all we want to do is have sex. Quite the opposite actually, we grow up with dreams of finding Mr Right, Prince Charming (I have Disney movies to thank for that!), someone how deeply cares for us, who most likely….doesn’t stare at every girl walking past. Funny that.

  2. John T July 31, 2015 at 9:12 pm - Reply

    All I can say is, I am totally ashamed on how men behave, I tell my women friends most men are pigs, out of 100 there might be 15 nice ones. I know a Indian who was totally ruined by having relationship with a 28 year old Indian guy when she was 14.

  3. Indian August 1, 2015 at 3:47 pm - Reply

    Geographically, India is also a country like any other country in our world, but the majority of people living in India have the ‘Static Worldview’.

  4. Tim UrbanDuniya August 1, 2015 at 6:33 pm - Reply

    OMG, what a creep.

    Yes, I do believe he was trying to make some kind of a point there, about some individuals being a bit repressed, but it got completely lost in the middle of his bizarre (and oddly detailed) tirade about foreign women, porn actresses and sex workers.

    When I see things like this, I’m not offended… instead, I have to pinch myself and remind myself that I’m actually reading it correctly. Weird shit.

    • Rachel Jones August 2, 2015 at 3:35 pm - Reply

      Yeah, I get angry but also don’t feel offended. It’s just like a “wtf, are you serious” moment. UGH!

  5. Ravi August 1, 2015 at 11:05 pm - Reply

    Imcredible INDIA! Incrediblity is in all (surroundings, societies, climate, places, food and too many mumbo-jumbos).
    Try experiencing the Modern India and do write again.
    “Ateethi Devo Bhawa”

    • Rachel Jones August 2, 2015 at 3:35 pm - Reply

      I live in India and experience modern India every day.

  6. Christine Wilhelm August 1, 2015 at 11:48 pm - Reply

    Compared to the exotic Temples of Kajaraho, Western porn videos are repetitive and boring!

  7. Maureen Tighe-Brown August 2, 2015 at 10:29 am - Reply

    The guy’s main message is that he & his “brown” peers are in charge of male-female interactions. So he (& they) will define what they will do, & how we as females must interpret their actions.

    Silly, insignificant, puberty-ridden morons. Our hearts are breaking for them. Not a chance in. . . well, you know.

    And the “starring” sounds more asinine than the “staring”. Yuk.

    Still, I would love India. . . nearly half the Indians are women, right?!

    Thanks for your blog, h-in-h!

    • Rachel Jones August 2, 2015 at 3:31 pm - Reply

      You’re totally right! That’s an interesting way to look at it.

  8. venus August 2, 2015 at 1:00 pm - Reply

    gold..brain the ‘size of a pea’ is the best explanation for his comments..and its not just western women they stare at..

  9. Mariia Zorina August 2, 2015 at 5:31 pm - Reply

    I hope foreign women will start breaking stereotypes of Indian man step by step because so far from what I have read and what I have seen man over here have quite big excuse-making culture trying to blame everything on anyone/anything else rather than themselves. Its quite sad because they do not have any feeling of responsibility or fairness and even do not experience any negative consequences of their actions. Social norms more or less support these irresponsible behaviors.

    Thats ironic that such conservative culture tolerates such “unconservative” behaviours.

    India is just such a big contradiction to me sometimes that I’m not able to comprehend why things that should cancel each other out, actually co-exist together.

    Being blonde and white here in India, I keep receiving constant staring and normally I ignore it as well as any other weird invitations and conversations but probably I need to start talking about how i feel when I face starring look again.

    • Rachel Jones August 4, 2015 at 8:36 am - Reply

      thanks for that insight marilia, i think you’re right & i hadn’t thought of the excuse-making, but I agree.

  10. haili August 2, 2015 at 11:43 pm - Reply

    Ohhh, sigh. They say that when you first reach India, there is so much you want to do to help change it for the better here, but don’t even try, you have to just accept that it has thrived and worked on such contradictions for many, many centuries. Well, this, the way a lot of men treat and view women here (especially foreign ones), is one aspect I do hope changes and I’ll try and do my best to contribute to it by standing up for myself and other women.

    Comments like his really piss me off, but saddens me because it’s really the result of being completely uneducated…as, I’m sorry to say, a lot of men are here. I remember while growing up in the USA everyone telling me how important education is, and no doubt I have always agreed…but I never realized just HOW important it is until I moved here and have seen/dealt with the truly uneducated. The sheer lack of logic and common sense when it comes to merely how to treat women…no, human beings, here is shocking. Did their mothers never teach them that starring is rude? Or is it something their mothers do teach them to do, “stare hard, sweety, especially when you see someone different”. I wonder how he would feel if his mother or sister got the same treatment in a foreign country because all the males have saree and bindi or Bollywood porn fetishes?

    I get some of the points he is attempting to make, I think he’s just trying to state how and why it works the way it does here..though it also sounds like he’s making really bad excuses for this horrible behavior. Unfortunately, the government in India treats it’s people like children, “you cannot watch this movie or see that website, we don’t trust you to make your own decisions and form your own opinions.” And thus, most of the population (especially the male population) act as such children, and his comment proves it with the finger pointing blame at the women, sexual repression, mommy issues (staying with parents forever), you did it first approach (having sex at earlier ages), and then the “you should appreciate we’re looking” approach. I’m sorry, are you an uncivilized animal? Can you not control your eyes and penis and other body parts with your brain and common sense? No? Well, what do we do with uncontrolable and untrained animals? We lock them in a cage.

    Starring is like the gateway drug. Starring leads to drive-by boobie grabbing (my boobs have been drive-by assaulted 4 times now), and boobie grabbing will likely lead to rape.

    Don’t get me wrong, I love this country (India, yep, I’m in India), and I love it’s people. My boyfriend is Indian for goodness sake! And there have been many times I’ve had to re-teach him what is right and wrong or at least what is so in our western eyes, and times where he has corrected my American let’s get loud and crazy in public attitude. But I will NEVER for one second stand for any man mistreating and disrespecting any girl or woman or myself even if just by gazing. That’s when the American loud and crazy comes out, and no one can stop it!

    • Rachel Jones August 4, 2015 at 8:39 am - Reply

      tell it haili! lol you’re spot on & should probz start a blog about bangalore life ;) loved this “Or is it something their mothers do teach them to do, “stare hard, sweety, especially when you see someone different”.” I hate that you have had 4 drive by boob grabs.. that’s out of countrol & so sad :(

  11. Adrenaline Romance August 3, 2015 at 6:52 am - Reply

    Great insight! Thank you for this. India is among the countries we plan to visit, and your insights will surely help us prepare in facing and understanding the culture there.

  12. Brown People August 4, 2015 at 1:29 am - Reply

    Dear racist white people,
    When I was born I was brown, when I grew up I was brown, when I’m sick I’m brown, when I go out in the sun I’m brown, when I’m cold I’ll be brown, and when I die I’ll be brown. But you, when you where born you were pink, when you grew up you were white, when you’re sick you’re green, when you go out in the sun you turn red, when you’re cold you turn blue, and when you die you’ll turn purple. And you have the nerve to call me colored?
    Sincerely, brown people.

    • Rachel Jones August 4, 2015 at 8:43 am - Reply

      lol, what! the guy called himself “brown”. I never did.

      So, girls not wanting to be stared at by men in India are white racist people in your mind. Cool!

  13. MARIA Robles August 4, 2015 at 2:13 am - Reply

    I read and I hear so many things about staring and the proper way to dress in India upon arrival. What will be the best proper attire. Please reply

    • Rachel Jones August 4, 2015 at 8:44 am - Reply

      hey maria, I wrote an article called how to dress, you can find in search bar on site!

  14. Soniya August 4, 2015 at 11:13 am - Reply

    According to this guy, Indian men are saints after 30s as they break their VIRGIN fast..A real frustrated person with no outlook for life…

  15. Lissa August 5, 2015 at 6:55 am - Reply

    What I find un-appealing is the idea that white women are seen as porn stars, and potentially as visual objects. When a man watches porn, not just Indian men – any, they are unable to be how should we say “enthusiastic” about having sex to anything else. Only the porn satisfies them. This is a huge disservice to the women they will potentially marry because they will not be able to be satisfied with a natural woman. I have dated Indian men and my personal opinion is that they are no different from Western men. They have the same equipment, testosterone, and the same physical urges. I think the difference is that their traditions and culture have so much mental influence that it prevents Indian men from acting on their urges. Not every man is influenced the same. So some Indian men may be even more liberal than Westerners. There can be no generalizing by race. Each man is his own person.

  16. rebecca August 5, 2015 at 12:49 pm - Reply

    Hilarious! The problem I think is that he sees nothing wrong with the “starring” If we are complaining about it, it is clearly an issue! Bottom line.

  17. Arun August 5, 2015 at 5:33 pm - Reply

    I agree and understand from where are you coming from however as said all fingers I your hand is not same so all men in any country are not same . If there are bad there are good people as well. As responsible Indian we believe that guest is like God however some lusty, greedy and shameful people forget this and react the way which is shameful for all Indians . Some people forget that the problem is not the dress of a girl what she is wearing , problem is their narrow and cheap mind .
    But time is changing and specially educated , young generation will show everyone the change . At some extend its depend on the upbringing of a child where from the birth boys are given more privilege than girls . India is vast in languages and culture. So many good places to visit and please do come here and give us the chance to show that we believe that guest is like GOD . ( Athati devo bhava) in Sanskrit . If any traveller need my support I would feel lucky to help them specially for North India . Email is [email protected]
    As I said earlier in my couple of responses that its a great work done by Ms Jones to reveal the truth and life time experiences. I really admire her work and wish her all the best and success in her life . Hopefully the time will come when she will go to Delhi next time and she will see the real Delhi ( happy to accompany her ) . Hope to see you all in India and do visit the places which you are really interested in . Wish all the good luck . Be safe and be happy . Precaution is always better than cure . Cheers!

  18. Zara August 9, 2015 at 10:17 pm - Reply

    Yeah…like a commenter above said above, it’s not just white women they stare at. I’m an NRI that just landed in Pune, and I can ‘fit in’ pretty well until I open my mouth and they hear my accent. And yet men have twisted their necks and near crashed their motorbikes to “look” a couple of seconds longer than is proper. And no, it doesn’t really matter whether I wear my western clothes or shalwar kameez. Could it be, I’m even more attractive than I ever imagined??! Awesome.

    It is slightly better when I am with my husband and baby. Then it’s just stares. When it’s just baby and me, it’s stares and occasional comments. When I’m walking by myself, it’s stares, car honks, a lot of cheesy approaches and my personal favourite – men will start singing love songs as you cross paths! Ha! Someday I can laugh it off, but other days it is…tiring.

    As we were out for a stroll today, my husband noticed a group of teenage girls repeatedly getting cat called and honked a couple of meters in front of us. He was sad for them, and then instantly concerned; “Does that happen to you when you’re alone here?”. All I could do was borrow a phrase and say, “This is India!”

    • Rachel Jones August 10, 2015 at 1:39 pm - Reply

      Do you think they know you are NRI & that is why they stare, or you think that it’s the same with all Indian women too? My Indian girlfriends tell me they get stared at all the same as well. Thanks for sharing your story!

  19. Kris K, August 13, 2015 at 4:20 pm - Reply

    Hi Rachel Jones,
    I appreciate your point of view, though I have not gone through all your posts yet want to know that apart from those Men’s creepy looks and staring etc. have you had any positive experience with Indian Men? do you have similar experience in other Asian countries as well?
    Thanks
    KK

    • Rachel Jones August 14, 2015 at 8:26 pm - Reply

      I have lots of Indian guy friends who are so nice. It’s only some people, not all of course. I have traveled in Malaysia, Indonesia, Singapore, Thailand, and Sri Lanka but didn’t experience it as much there nearly at all.

      • Kumar August 24, 2015 at 7:42 pm - Reply

        Hi Rachel,
        Thanks for your revert. Sounds good about your experiences. I have gone through your some of your posts and these are indeed eye opening. I cannot deny that these are common issues in India and we are also suffering with these social evils.
        Apart from this I am quite impressed by the work you have done so far and it is truly remarkable. You are indeed living your life to the fullest. I am bit envious of you ;)
        anyway …..keep up the good work.

        All the best
        KK

  20. :/ October 31, 2015 at 11:42 am - Reply

    Some people really need to stop whatever it is that they are smoking….

    And , Hey , “Brown People” , I used to think that white people were … you know …. people….

    but thanks dude/dudette , now I know that white people are nothing but Rainbows!!!!

    :D

  21. JustTrollingEverybody! :) October 31, 2015 at 12:08 pm - Reply

    To that dude who said staring is a ” thank you gesture ” .

    Damn man… when I want to thank my sister (mostly for letting me have her food , and her pocket money :P ) I generally give her a bearhug …
    but I guess what ye do is stare at your sister’s hooters (nope , not that chain restaurant) all day long as a thank you gesture…

    Your sister is so lucky man… :3

    And…

    Hey Miss Jones , What’s up? :)
    Sorry I kinda destroyed your post with stupid comments…

    I hope you get a laugh out of it.. :P

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